this weather makes me shop

I know we are all going stir crazy here...really badly. The weather is nice ish the temp is above 0 but the roads are like lakes and rivers. This morning it was snow raining..phtt whatever that is. I was on the treadmill yesterday doing my thing listening to music and Bruce Lee (our trustee golden retriever) came up to me and nudged my hand and kept nudging my hand. The look on his face was as if he was saying “seriously you are jogging to nowhere, we could be outside jogging all over town come on”. I have a dog gone stir crazy too. I am not complaining about the lakes and rivers on the roads though, I am more than happy to deal with that for a while. Only because that means the snow is MELTING. I wonder if Kaia is big enough for her hiking backpack thingy that we bought her. That would make navigating along the mess a bit easier than trying to push a chariot around.
   Today is swimming in Sparwood day. Sparwood is the next town down the highway and apparently the pool there is much warmer than our public swimming pool. I love taking Kaia swimming especially when we go with friends.
  I know that Kaia is almost ready for the next size of cloth diaper so I have been doing some shopping for more diapers. I was originally going to stick with one particular brand that I have been using and love but I decided to expand my supply and well penny pinch. I have been buying whatever diapers I can find on sale. Some of them are all in ones and some of them are the pocket style diaper. I have been happy with either one. I have been using the few all in ones that I have and they are really nice to be able to just stick the diaper on her basically the same method as I would if she was in a disposable. The pocket diapers are a bit more work stuffing the diaper before you put it on her. But really nothing major. I think that I am going to be happy with having a grab bag of variety with diapers. There are some that are maybe more user friendly too for the family and babysitters that she will have changing her little bum bum. Keeping my eye out for sales and finding diaper deals has been really worth it. Just yesterday I bought four cloth diapers for the same price that I would have bought two. The sale was amazing and the bigger bonus is the diapers were made in Canada and designed by a midwife in Canada. The sale was unfortunately on a “deal a day” website so the deal is over but in case you were curious the site is www.babysteals.com I have purchased a lot from this site actually. Everything from diapers to burp cloths to boob covers. I have been getting razzed a lot from friends regarding my little online shopping addiction but really I consider it as me being a savvy mom living in a rural town trying to find deals and great baby supplies. I had three parcels in the mail for me yesterday I love that feeling. I of coursed opened them right away when I got home even before I put my groceries away. One parcel was more pictures I got printed of Kaia. I am really trying to keep up on printing my pictures. The other parcel was some burp cloths that I ordered that I paid 50% less then I paid for them when I bought them locally. And the last parcel was two diaper covers I ordered not on sale but a special limited edition color. I am trying to buy neutral color diapers so that we can use them comfortably if we happen to have a boy one day. I think we have 3 diapers that are girly and the rest are neutral our future baby boy will wear the girly colors either way. I ‘m not stressed about that I mean really Kaia wears her blue diapers all the time and there is no issue there. I think a little pink on a boy doesn’t look so bad. Its funny I have been really conscious of the bigger items that we buy for Kaia I have made sure that they are gender neutral so that when we do expand our family they will be suitable for either gender. There is no point in buying these things twice just because of the color. I also love that my mindset is already on my soon to be growing family. There is no real question we are having more babies lots and lots of babies. I just have to go back to work for a bit and make some more money so I can keep shopping for all my babies.

I hate the snow so dam much

How can I get balance in this crazy new life I am living. There are so many things that need to be balanced out. Housework, Mommyhood, relationship, self and and and and. There is never enough time in the day to get everything done exactly how I want it done exactly when I want it done. I have to let go of some of the expectations I have on myself, on my time and on others around me. My mind wonders into the future often thinking about how my life and schedule will be when I go back to work. I wonder how all these things will balance out when I have to add another huge time consumer to the list. I also wonder into the past thinking about the way my time and life was balanced out. It seems I managed to fill my time with just as many things but just in different ways. I know that I need to stop drifting and focus on today. I don’t think that there is really any other way of doing the balancing act. Each day brings different challenges. Some days are good nap days some days are bad nap days....some days are stuck in the house from the snow days and some days are free to go where ever I need to go or be days. Even sitting here typing out my thoughts I am thinking in the back of my mind “my beautiful daughter is sound asleep I should be mopping or dusting some other sort of chore”. But I need to grab my wondering brain and focus on this moment.  This typing as mindless as it may sound is the part of my day that is for my “self”. So yes this is part of my balancing act. We were up at 630 eating, feeding my daughter and playing until nap time.  Nap time for Kaia shovel the snow time for me and then typing my thoughts along with some mindless internet surfing. Does that seem like a good balance so far? It is interesting that while I am cleaning the nagging need to focus on myself never comes into my head. But while I am focusing on myself the nagging need to clean is always lingering and nattering at me. Argh. Everything needs to be assigned equal importance, equal time and equal balance. Insert sigh here.
I guess what started all these thoughts is the dam snow and the dam time we spend on snow removal in this giant yard of ours. The enormity of our driveway and the enormous amount of time it takes to get it clean takes away from the balance of the rest of my life. I hate the snow I hate it so dam much.

I’m watching the snow fall and fall hard. I am sad.....I want spring to arrive so badly. We were Calgary last weekend while Erick coached volleyball. I went to the mall and did some much needed shopping. The spring clothing has started to arrive in all the stores and I was aching to buy some new fun clothes that I could wear in the nice warm weather. It just seems so far away. Even my little accessory Kaia has so many cute spring/summer outfits. I should clarify though that my aching for the spring weather is not only to don the latest fashions it is also an ache to get out of this house and walk and play and enjoy leaving the house without layer and layer myself and Kaia. I can’t wait to start camping again. I feel that this year we will be able to get lots of camping in with Erick’s Monday to Friday schedule and my maternity leave schedule.
   Kaia is still a trooper when it comes travel our trip to Calgary was another travel success. We stayed with my cousin and her beau. I’m not overly fussy about packing up my whole house for Kaia when we travel. I was happy to make Kaia a little bed on the floor and she loved it all the same. She slept so well throughout the two nights that we were there. I don’t know what it was about staying in that condo but I too slept like a log. I just felt really relaxed and comfortable. I had some really great visiting time with Amanda and Andrew we had lots of great conversation and they were definitely a big help with lugging Kaia around the city. Kaia was a flames fan on Friday night we were given tickets to the game from Erick’s boss and we brought Kaia along for the adventure. She turned a lot of heads in her little flames jersey. It was a good night but exhausting. Man it was a lot of work. I really should write a letter to the scotia bank sattledome and complain about the lack of baby change tables in that facility. I had to change her on the counter top...gross! We went for dinner with some of Erick’s co-workers before hand and my little bundle of joy was a fuss pot for the entire duration of the dinner. When we pulled into the resteraunt we decided that it would be best if I fed Kaia right up in the car before going in and finding our table. Well the pre feeding didn’t seem to change her fussy little mood one bit. I have to say first that Erick is very supportive of me nursing Kaia and he supports and knows that I will whip it out anywhere to feed my child regardless of the feelings of those around me. If you don’t like it go away...that is how I feel about that. So about half way through the meal I say to Erick I think she is hungry again. His response was interesting and one that I hadn’t really experienced with him yet. He kind of just looked at me with this odd look on his face and all he said was “oh really....are you sure?” At this point Erick was sweating a bit from bouncing Kaia and trying to make conversation with his boss that happened to sit with us. But what I really seen in his face was this shear panic stricken fear...it was a look that said to me “for the love of god Tiffany please do not whip your boob out here at this table with my coworkers and particularly my boss....please god....don’t do it”. I know that Erick’s boss and his wife probably would not have been bothered by me nursing Kaia right then and there. They are parents and she is a baby lover that was asking to hold Kaia all night. But I thought ok Erick this time you win....I got up grabbed kaia and lugged her into the bathroom. I walked into the stall trying to plan my attack; I decided that standing was the best most sanitary option. I wasn’t going to sit on the toilet with my pants on and I was most certainly not going to nurse Kaia with my pants down and sitting on the toilet. So I stood in that stall and nursed Kaia while standing and staring at the tiles and gunk of a public washroom. Oh the joys.
  Erick’s diaper changing saga continues....I think that I have made it very clear how much I hate using disposable diapers. Every time I do Kaia needs a total outfit change from a blowout. We were at a restaurant eating lunch Erick was holding Kaia on his lap and Kaia let her rip. She ripped up her back all over her leg warmers...and all over Erick’s jeans. I laughed and laughed and oh boy that was the wrong reaction. He gave me the look of death as he lugged Kaia into the bathroom to clean himself and change Kaia. I enjoyed that moment so much I didn’t stop laughing after Erick expressed his disgust...it only fuelled my laughing fire even more. I love that Erick takes Kaia into the mens room and changes her he doesn’t hesitate to take part in that even when we are out. Don’t let your husband’s fool you ladies, there are baby change tables in men’s rooms. When Erick got over the sheer grossness of his ordeal he pushed his meal aside I guess he lost his appetite. He said that while he was in bathroom changing Kaia some guy came in there and asked Erick if he was going to be long. The change table was located in the one and only stall in the bathroom. Erick said the guy kind of looked like he was in distress like he had to go bad....Erick was also in distress covered in poop himself and a baby covered from head to toe. He just looked at the guy and said “I don’t what to tell you man, but I am going to be a while”. Haha oh I laughed some more when he told me that. I think Erick can laugh at it now but boy he was not in the mood to laugh at the time let me tell you.
   Kaia completed her first swimming lesson session on Tuesday. We had so much fun swimming I am excited to get her back into it again. I think she will be like her Tita Taylor a little fishy in the water. Thankfully the snow has not stopped us from swimming. Well I could go on but I suppose I should stop for today and get some house work done.

bouncing around

    After five days of Kaia and her crib in my room Erick and I have finally put Kaia in her own room. Last night was the first night that she was in her own room! It was a great success. She was up at 0330 had a quick snack and then was back to sleep until 0730. I am so satisfied with that schedule. Waking up at 730 is so reasonable. The 0500 and 0600 am that we were going on was not my idea of a good schedule. I have been teasing Erick about his video baby monitor purchase from the beginning but I have to admit it is a handy little gadget. I like to give Erick a hard time about his constant need for the latest gadget but I suppose I do reap the benefits of all of these gadgets. The monitor has a little toggle on it so you can move the camera around in her room to scan the whole room. Now I get to decorate her room with all the decals that I bought for the walls. It is amazing what gets me excited these days. I am glad that I supported Erick and how he was feeling about Kaia moving to her own room but I am very happy that we have decided to move her. It was definitely time.
   I feel like in the last few days Kaia has changed so much. She has definitely discovered her little tongue she is constantly playing with it and sticking it out it is pretty cute and makes me laugh every time. She is starting to entertain herself more when she is playing in her little saucer bouncy thingy. She has this little excited giggle she does when you talk to her. She is a little bouncer now too. She is bouncing in my arms and bouncing in her saucer. I have been having a blast playing with her and interacting with her the last few days. There have been lots of laughing and giggling from the both of us. 

  I have been a bit of a baker this week and little miss Kaia has been my helper watching me intently and eating all the measuring cups. I have to say I have been having a really good week. Swimming lessons were really good this week too she was kicking her feet, going under water and floating on her back and letting her little ears go under. Those are kind of the goals they are shooting for at this stage. Next week is Kaia’s last lesson for her first set of lessons and they will take a picture of her under water I am excited one big milestone done. The lessons will start up again right after spring break and we will be there for sure. 
    I am really lucky to have friends that have young children I learn from them and can talk to them without feeling like I am boring the snot out of them. Truly all of my conversations are about being a

Mom and raising Kaia. It is amazing to see all of the different parenting styles that are out there and coming to understand what works for me and what doesn’t. One thing that has rung very true for me is consistency she is one smart little cookie already and will play me like a fiddle if I don’t stick to my guns. I say that as I am listening to Kaia cry herself to sleep for a nap. I will not go in there she will fall asleep on her own. It is true and I love that I have taught her that.

Insert giant sighs here

Me and Kaia are flying solo this weekend. Erick is away for the weekend on his annual ice fishing trip out in Lomond. Unfortunately the weather sucks here really bad it is so cold so not only are we solo we are solo and stuck in the house. This last two weeks have just been yucky from the weather to illness....I am so ready to get out of this house. We are going to watch a movie at a friends house this afternoon. It was so cute to answer the phone to a little 2 ½ year old voice asking me if I want to watch a movie and eat popcorn. Then we are going swimming with some other friends.
   Kaia has been a little clinger stinker the last couple of days. I worry that she feels abandonment issues from me putting her to bed and letting her cry it out. I hope that it is due to her not feeling 100% and not to due to her truly being a Mama clinger. I try and put her down in her play things and she kind of looks at me as if to say “are you serious...? Pick me up right this second. Get back here”. Oh sigh. I keep saying to her as I give in and pick her back up “ya know when you are old enough to understand what it means when I say it’s time to play on your own for a bit I won’t be picking you up like this”. Ha who am I kidding I am a softy sometimes. Like I said earlier we put Kaia to bed and let her fall asleep on her own. Sometimes she is asleep in minutes without a peep, sometimes she coos and peeps for a few minutes and sometimes she full on cries for like 20 minutes. We have always been diligent though and don’t give in. However last night I went to go check on her like I routinely do when she has stopped cooing, crying and peeping. I just want to see that she has fallen asleep and she hasn’t pulled her blankets over her face which she always does. I tippy toed in there leaned over her crib and what did I find....a wide awake Kaia staring straight at me with the biggest smile on her face. Oh melt my little heart. Did I pick her up you ask...you bet I picked her up. I picked her up and we played for an hour longer before going to bed for the night. Maybe I am fostering a clinger....hmm there is a thought. Oh well I had fun playing with her last night and if the consequence was her remembering that I gave in and picked her up then so be it.
   Kaia’s crib came in on Thursday. Erick put it together and Kaia has had two of the most amazing night sleeps in this thing. She has slept through the night both nights. Six hours of bliss. I wake to engorgement but at least Mama and babe rested well. I am really happy that the transition from cradle to crib was seamless it was as if we didn’t change a thing. I know that we are a bit late on getting her into her crib. I think that the fact that her bedroom and our bedroom are on different floors and I have been still getting up with her lots throughout the night all played on prolonging the cradle phase. When we started putting Kaia to sleep on her own she started to only wake for one feed a night so this is when the idea of getting her crib ready started popping up. Of course we live in a one horse town with a sears catalogue and that is it. Finally the crib arrived and I was so ready for it. I am ready to not have to tip toe in my room when she is napping or in bed before us for the night. I am ready to have late night baths in my master bath and not worry about waking her. I am ready to watch movies and TV in my room at night. I am just ready. I don’t mind getting up once a night and have to walk downstairs to her room to feed her. Once is just fine...burn a few night time calories no problem. Erick finally bought his video baby monitor that he has been researching and shopping for. For me I don’t feel that a “video” monitor was something that I wanted but of course if that is what will make Erick feel comfortable than who am I to disagree.
    I rearranged Kaia’s room in the afternoon and I pulled out the video monitor I had everything ready for Erick to get going on construction of the crib when he got home from work. Erick built the crib and then he dropped the bomb..... “I’m not ready for Kaia to be downstairs yet I want to put this crib in our room”. WHAT! I did not understand what he was saying or where his feelings were coming from. You want to what? He was still feeling like he wasn’t ready for her to be on another floor he had a list of what if’s...what if fire, what if we don’t hear her. I was totally feeling the opposite as he was. After much discussion slash me being rude “what are you freaking kidding me why on earth”? I came to realize that I need to consider my caring husband and loving baby Daddy’s feelings. He was right when he says that just because everyone else puts their children in their own room at a certain age doesn’t mean we have to. But I don’t feel that I was doing it on a schedule. She’s this age now we do this and she’s that age now we do that. Like I said I am sooooo ready to have my room back. It’s all about me here people. So right now there is a baby crib in my room. I love Erick and I love how much he cares about his daughter and how much he wants to be involved in the decision making process of these different phases of Kaia’s life. So I compromised, he asked if I could at least have the crib in the room while he is gone and then maybe for a couple more days when he gets home. But not for a couple more months like he originally proposed when he dropped the bomb. Insert giant sigh. I think that when Erick gets home he will see that there is no longer any sneaking around the room without Kaia seeing us. The crib is open unlike the cradle the sides are not solid they are bars with slats in them slats where she can see me in my room. I think that he will too see that she is ready to be in her own room. Hopefully! Insert another giant sigh here. But yay for the full night sleep we have been getting.

The sick MOM

  The plague hit my house on the weekend.  The nasty cold bug that is floating through this little town is a tough little thing. I’m telling you being sick and being a Mom to a little almost five month old was definitely a challenge. Being in bed all day would have been my normal routine for illness. Shut my ringer off shut the blinds and shut my bedroom door. Of course that does not happen now with an energetic little Kaia wanting to be awake and play. She did catch a little bit of this bug as well but the brunt of her illness hit before mine did so I was well and able to attend to her needs. Kaia is surprisingly resilient though she bounced back regardless of the snot dripping down her nose on a regular basis. She has developed the typical defence mechanisms to the tissue going straight for her nose. It is a definite battle of wills to get her little snotty nose cleaned. Will I hold her head down just to get two minutes of a snotless face and will she just sit still to allow the cardboard feeling tissue scrape her delicate little lip only to take away that weird gooey stuff she has seemed to have discovered and enjoyed playing with.  I totally napped every time Kaia did for the first time since she was born I utilized every single possible moment of a chance for sleep. The weekend seemed like it dragged on for ever. I think I was down for five days....five days...YUK. I’m still phlegm and snot filled but for the most part I am feeling like my energy levels have returned. Yesterday was disinfection day...I got down and dirty...! Thank goodness for my dear friend Norwex....I just love their products I feel so confident that they are making my house disinfected and at the same time Kaia friendly. One of Kaia’s little buddies decided to decorate her excersaucer with crayon the other day. I couldn’t believe it but a wet enviro cloth totally got the entire crayon off. I love that I can clean all of Kaia’s toys and not have to worry about all the harmful chemicals I am leaving on her toys. I also am so happy with using it for washing my floors for her little impressionable feet when she starts getting mobile. We absorb so much through our feet and the last thing I want her or me to absorb is the chemicals from whatever I used to wash my floor with. It took me a long time time to get over the “clean smell” but really who says clean smells....? Now when I smell bleach or Lysol I just feel like it’s so strong and I’m glad my home does not have all those harsh chemicals in them. I just use essential oils....mmmm. Well thats my norwex soap box for today. But I just had to share the fact that the enviro cloth got that stinking crayon off...awesome. The chemical filled horrible for you and your babies “magic eraser” can eat my micro fibre dust....hehe.
    I have so become a mother it amazes me I’m blogging about frigging cleaning products...yeesh.
I think that I am going to attempt swimming lessons today with Kaia. I wasn’t going to due to illness but we are feeling way better and well I am feeling really stir crazy. I have not left my house in way too many hours. Oh and yoga tonight that should really make me feel better stretch and relax. I heart yoga.

Kaia is sick for the first time...little snotty nose...sneezy...baby girl. I had to give her some Tylenol last night she had a bit of a low grade fever. I decided to give her a bath with that baby vapour bath stuff...except I decided to have a bath with her in the big tub.....it was fun relaxing Kaia was splashing. Then she pooped...everyone evacuate the tub...floating green yellow bits of baby poop. Not only that she was sitting on my lap while she let er rip. At least she got some relief out of it. She had a lavender lotion rub down and then bundled in the woombie nursed and was down for the count. Well until 2 am anyways. I just want to snuggle my little baby girl all day when she is this way. Poor thing has the stringy snot hanging from her nose on a steady basis.  Does anyone have any ideas on keeping her little nose intact and not raw from my steady wipes? I have been using the wet wipes...they seem a little softer. She seems to be in good spirits today playing and just relaxing; probably in part because she has been on my lap all morning. Spoiled little thing she is. If it wasn’t for her being a little sicky I would be trying to encourage her to sit in her bouncy chair or play on her floor play mat. I have been noticing a clingy wanting to be held steady trend with her. I can easily blame it on her softy of a Dad but in reality it is probably the both of us. I have been finding it easier just to give in and hold her. Really though when I think about it, is it any easier? No probably not I while getting a bicep workout I have to do chores with one hand. Typing this for example is done while reaching around the little drooler on my lap. Bad bad.
   I have been playing some childrens music for Kaia lately and she seems to really enjoy the Veggy Tales silly songs with Larry. Well maybe I am really persuading her to like them. I use to watch those movies all the time when I was younger well a tween and I use to babysit a little guy that loved them. But I hope to find some of those movies for her for when she is actually interested in watching the TV. The only thing that captures her on the TV right now is hockey....well the Vancouver Canucks actually.
    The sun is shinning and my husband who doesn’t know how to sit still for five minutes unless its 9pm is out snowblowing the dam air....Me and Kaia are hanging inside but the coffee pot is drained and my internet shopping sites have been checked for the day. I think it’s time to get off this computer and do something out doors finally it’s not -20.