Insert giant sighs here

Me and Kaia are flying solo this weekend. Erick is away for the weekend on his annual ice fishing trip out in Lomond. Unfortunately the weather sucks here really bad it is so cold so not only are we solo we are solo and stuck in the house. This last two weeks have just been yucky from the weather to illness....I am so ready to get out of this house. We are going to watch a movie at a friends house this afternoon. It was so cute to answer the phone to a little 2 ½ year old voice asking me if I want to watch a movie and eat popcorn. Then we are going swimming with some other friends.
   Kaia has been a little clinger stinker the last couple of days. I worry that she feels abandonment issues from me putting her to bed and letting her cry it out. I hope that it is due to her not feeling 100% and not to due to her truly being a Mama clinger. I try and put her down in her play things and she kind of looks at me as if to say “are you serious...? Pick me up right this second. Get back here”. Oh sigh. I keep saying to her as I give in and pick her back up “ya know when you are old enough to understand what it means when I say it’s time to play on your own for a bit I won’t be picking you up like this”. Ha who am I kidding I am a softy sometimes. Like I said earlier we put Kaia to bed and let her fall asleep on her own. Sometimes she is asleep in minutes without a peep, sometimes she coos and peeps for a few minutes and sometimes she full on cries for like 20 minutes. We have always been diligent though and don’t give in. However last night I went to go check on her like I routinely do when she has stopped cooing, crying and peeping. I just want to see that she has fallen asleep and she hasn’t pulled her blankets over her face which she always does. I tippy toed in there leaned over her crib and what did I find....a wide awake Kaia staring straight at me with the biggest smile on her face. Oh melt my little heart. Did I pick her up you ask...you bet I picked her up. I picked her up and we played for an hour longer before going to bed for the night. Maybe I am fostering a clinger....hmm there is a thought. Oh well I had fun playing with her last night and if the consequence was her remembering that I gave in and picked her up then so be it.
   Kaia’s crib came in on Thursday. Erick put it together and Kaia has had two of the most amazing night sleeps in this thing. She has slept through the night both nights. Six hours of bliss. I wake to engorgement but at least Mama and babe rested well. I am really happy that the transition from cradle to crib was seamless it was as if we didn’t change a thing. I know that we are a bit late on getting her into her crib. I think that the fact that her bedroom and our bedroom are on different floors and I have been still getting up with her lots throughout the night all played on prolonging the cradle phase. When we started putting Kaia to sleep on her own she started to only wake for one feed a night so this is when the idea of getting her crib ready started popping up. Of course we live in a one horse town with a sears catalogue and that is it. Finally the crib arrived and I was so ready for it. I am ready to not have to tip toe in my room when she is napping or in bed before us for the night. I am ready to have late night baths in my master bath and not worry about waking her. I am ready to watch movies and TV in my room at night. I am just ready. I don’t mind getting up once a night and have to walk downstairs to her room to feed her. Once is just fine...burn a few night time calories no problem. Erick finally bought his video baby monitor that he has been researching and shopping for. For me I don’t feel that a “video” monitor was something that I wanted but of course if that is what will make Erick feel comfortable than who am I to disagree.
    I rearranged Kaia’s room in the afternoon and I pulled out the video monitor I had everything ready for Erick to get going on construction of the crib when he got home from work. Erick built the crib and then he dropped the bomb..... “I’m not ready for Kaia to be downstairs yet I want to put this crib in our room”. WHAT! I did not understand what he was saying or where his feelings were coming from. You want to what? He was still feeling like he wasn’t ready for her to be on another floor he had a list of what if’s...what if fire, what if we don’t hear her. I was totally feeling the opposite as he was. After much discussion slash me being rude “what are you freaking kidding me why on earth”? I came to realize that I need to consider my caring husband and loving baby Daddy’s feelings. He was right when he says that just because everyone else puts their children in their own room at a certain age doesn’t mean we have to. But I don’t feel that I was doing it on a schedule. She’s this age now we do this and she’s that age now we do that. Like I said I am sooooo ready to have my room back. It’s all about me here people. So right now there is a baby crib in my room. I love Erick and I love how much he cares about his daughter and how much he wants to be involved in the decision making process of these different phases of Kaia’s life. So I compromised, he asked if I could at least have the crib in the room while he is gone and then maybe for a couple more days when he gets home. But not for a couple more months like he originally proposed when he dropped the bomb. Insert giant sigh. I think that when Erick gets home he will see that there is no longer any sneaking around the room without Kaia seeing us. The crib is open unlike the cradle the sides are not solid they are bars with slats in them slats where she can see me in my room. I think that he will too see that she is ready to be in her own room. Hopefully! Insert another giant sigh here. But yay for the full night sleep we have been getting.

The sick MOM

  The plague hit my house on the weekend.  The nasty cold bug that is floating through this little town is a tough little thing. I’m telling you being sick and being a Mom to a little almost five month old was definitely a challenge. Being in bed all day would have been my normal routine for illness. Shut my ringer off shut the blinds and shut my bedroom door. Of course that does not happen now with an energetic little Kaia wanting to be awake and play. She did catch a little bit of this bug as well but the brunt of her illness hit before mine did so I was well and able to attend to her needs. Kaia is surprisingly resilient though she bounced back regardless of the snot dripping down her nose on a regular basis. She has developed the typical defence mechanisms to the tissue going straight for her nose. It is a definite battle of wills to get her little snotty nose cleaned. Will I hold her head down just to get two minutes of a snotless face and will she just sit still to allow the cardboard feeling tissue scrape her delicate little lip only to take away that weird gooey stuff she has seemed to have discovered and enjoyed playing with.  I totally napped every time Kaia did for the first time since she was born I utilized every single possible moment of a chance for sleep. The weekend seemed like it dragged on for ever. I think I was down for five days....five days...YUK. I’m still phlegm and snot filled but for the most part I am feeling like my energy levels have returned. Yesterday was disinfection day...I got down and dirty...! Thank goodness for my dear friend Norwex....I just love their products I feel so confident that they are making my house disinfected and at the same time Kaia friendly. One of Kaia’s little buddies decided to decorate her excersaucer with crayon the other day. I couldn’t believe it but a wet enviro cloth totally got the entire crayon off. I love that I can clean all of Kaia’s toys and not have to worry about all the harmful chemicals I am leaving on her toys. I also am so happy with using it for washing my floors for her little impressionable feet when she starts getting mobile. We absorb so much through our feet and the last thing I want her or me to absorb is the chemicals from whatever I used to wash my floor with. It took me a long time time to get over the “clean smell” but really who says clean smells....? Now when I smell bleach or Lysol I just feel like it’s so strong and I’m glad my home does not have all those harsh chemicals in them. I just use essential oils....mmmm. Well thats my norwex soap box for today. But I just had to share the fact that the enviro cloth got that stinking crayon off...awesome. The chemical filled horrible for you and your babies “magic eraser” can eat my micro fibre dust....hehe.
    I have so become a mother it amazes me I’m blogging about frigging cleaning products...yeesh.
I think that I am going to attempt swimming lessons today with Kaia. I wasn’t going to due to illness but we are feeling way better and well I am feeling really stir crazy. I have not left my house in way too many hours. Oh and yoga tonight that should really make me feel better stretch and relax. I heart yoga.

Kaia is sick for the first time...little snotty nose...sneezy...baby girl. I had to give her some Tylenol last night she had a bit of a low grade fever. I decided to give her a bath with that baby vapour bath stuff...except I decided to have a bath with her in the big tub.....it was fun relaxing Kaia was splashing. Then she pooped...everyone evacuate the tub...floating green yellow bits of baby poop. Not only that she was sitting on my lap while she let er rip. At least she got some relief out of it. She had a lavender lotion rub down and then bundled in the woombie nursed and was down for the count. Well until 2 am anyways. I just want to snuggle my little baby girl all day when she is this way. Poor thing has the stringy snot hanging from her nose on a steady basis.  Does anyone have any ideas on keeping her little nose intact and not raw from my steady wipes? I have been using the wet wipes...they seem a little softer. She seems to be in good spirits today playing and just relaxing; probably in part because she has been on my lap all morning. Spoiled little thing she is. If it wasn’t for her being a little sicky I would be trying to encourage her to sit in her bouncy chair or play on her floor play mat. I have been noticing a clingy wanting to be held steady trend with her. I can easily blame it on her softy of a Dad but in reality it is probably the both of us. I have been finding it easier just to give in and hold her. Really though when I think about it, is it any easier? No probably not I while getting a bicep workout I have to do chores with one hand. Typing this for example is done while reaching around the little drooler on my lap. Bad bad.
   I have been playing some childrens music for Kaia lately and she seems to really enjoy the Veggy Tales silly songs with Larry. Well maybe I am really persuading her to like them. I use to watch those movies all the time when I was younger well a tween and I use to babysit a little guy that loved them. But I hope to find some of those movies for her for when she is actually interested in watching the TV. The only thing that captures her on the TV right now is hockey....well the Vancouver Canucks actually.
    The sun is shinning and my husband who doesn’t know how to sit still for five minutes unless its 9pm is out snowblowing the dam air....Me and Kaia are hanging inside but the coffee pot is drained and my internet shopping sites have been checked for the day. I think it’s time to get off this computer and do something out doors finally it’s not -20.

I have not been that motivated to put my thoughts into writing lately. But this is me forcing myself to write, just because I know how fast the time flies by. One of my close friends asked how old Kaia was when she started holding her head up....sheesh I can’t answer that I don’t remember...tear tear. It was only a short time ago and I already can’t remember. I feel like Kaia has matured so much now that she is sleeping on her own terms. I feel like it is kind of like she doesn’t need me as much. I mean of course she needs me still but there is one less thing she needs me for. I know that this is the is just one of the many things she will begin to do herself. I do have to say yet again that I am so happy with her falling asleep on her own now. The first few nights of her crying was so worth the many more hours of sleep I am getting. Kaia has just yipped herself to sleep for her second nap of the day. The snowflakes that I see falling outside are so depressing. I have now hit that point of telling winter to screw the hell off. I am so ready for spring. Erick and I went for a walk with Kaia and Bruce Lee last night. It was -4 which is a definite improvement compared to what it has been. I swear I almost got frost bite on my legs. I was angry the dam weather can seriously piss off! I just want to enjoy the fresh air without having to bundle and bundle and bundle.
  This weekend is the annual bonspiel here in Elkford. It is hard to believe that last year at this exact time I had just found out that I was pregnant. Erick and I weren’t ready to tell anyone just yet....so I spent the  whole weekend whining and pretending to be sick and making excuses as to why I wasn’t drinking. I’m pretty sure everyone bought it. I still curled though and had fun doing it as sober as could be! This year Erick and I opted out and are not curling. Feb is a busy month so we decided to just be speuctators. That and we were too lazy to organize child care for our little bug. I have enough milk stored to last longer than a weekend but man I would have to be pumping between games...and blah blah blah... I am a bit sad though now that the weekend is here and I am not curling. Maybe it would have been worth it to just curl and get out. Oh well. We are now tossing around the idea of going out of town to spend some more money...but yet again this weather does not really help with that plan.
  I suppose that I should get motivated to tidy so I have time to tidy and shower while Kaia naps. Oh how things change...;)