One day after my 3^rd anniversary......I am content. 3 years of crazy love, crazy change, crazy fun and just plain crazy. I am 1.5 children richer. Yes 0.5 means that I am 6 weeks pregnant and expecting the next little mini. I am content. I have lots to think about but I am content to let my mind race while I live each moment with Kaia and Erick. Everyday will bring the answers to all the questions that I may have and I think I can finally wait for each of those days to come as they will on their own time. So this 3^rd anniversary reminded me that I am one lucky wife, Momma and lady. I have it all really I do.
   Our first camping trip last weekend was a success. It was a bit chilly at times which made me a tad miserable but the sun did peak through for a couple moments of warmth. Kaia was a champ with our tent camping. She was totally fine and didn’t have a single problem falling asleep and staying asleep.
  This was the big reveal for our second pregnancy I even surprised Erick with the pregnancy test in his father’s day card.
  We are going camping this weekend yet again this time with a bunch of friends and I am totally looking forward to the SUNSHINE! I am looking forward to having Kaia enjoy the outdoors without more than one layer on. I just can’t wait to be outside and enjoy it.
  We have been outdoors walking but apparently there are aggressive deer in our neighbourhood. They posted a sign on the corner of our street “aggressive deer in the area”. I am so pissed by this. If my dog was aggressive they would do a hell of a lot more than post a sign. I can’t even comfortably relax in my own yard. I hate that. What can I do.....I need a better paint ball gun.
   What a random array of thought this post is...but I guess those are just some of the things floating around in my mind this morning.

oh...and did I mention

Usually I feel totally antsy and cooped up when it rains but today I feel cozy and content to just stay in the house in my jams and house coat. After staring blanking at the doom and gloom that the weather network was predicting I did learn one thing from that weather lady. She told me that when they predict showers it just means little bits of rain here and there throughout the day. But when the forecast is for rain that means it will rain for more than a few hours at a time. Basically it is raining outside.
   We are planning to go camping tomorrow in the States with my parents and so far the forecast is for warm temperatures with some showers....hopefully they are just showers and not rain. I am excited to take Kaia on her first little camping trip so I truly hope that it isn’t miserable out. We have made arrangements with a friend to purchase a tent trailer but Erick’s truck isn’t up to par for highway driving and we don’t have a hitch on our car....so we are tenting it. We bought a giant tent last year one that will fit us in a big air bed and playpen so I think that we will be just fine. Maybe damp but we will survive. I will have to pack for all seasons.
   Erick goes to a volleyball coach training thing tonight and tomorrow so we will leave for camping as soon as he is done tomorrow. I will have to get my butt in gear and start packing and doing laundry.
I have started organizing Kaia’s clothing she is growing and there are a lot of things that don’t fit her anymore and a lot of stuff that does fit her now that I have hiding in place I forgot about it. I am starting to see the end of the many many clothes Kaia has received. I think I will have to start buying her more clothes when she is 12-18 months. Until then we have been so blessed with hand me downs and gifts. I have been good with organizing her clothes that don’t fit her pretty good since she has been growing. The things that don’t fit her anymore go in to a bin of neutrals or a bin of girl clothes. I figured this would be a good way of organizing for the next baby. I won’t find out what I am having I can just bring up the bin of neutrals to prepare. I have been slightly slacking though and just throwing all her outgrown clothes downstairs into a pile the pile is overflowing and my basement looks like a thrift store. We have been collecting clothes and other goodies for Erick’s family in the Philippines and that stuff is overflowing as well. In combination I have a sally an in my basement. I keep bugging Erick to put together the box so I can start packing it and get another one sent off and clean up my basement.
   We are having company stay with us for the weekend of wildcat days so I really feel like I need to get that basement cleaned and organized.
  Erick hung out with his baby girl last night and put her to bed while I snuck out with some girl friends for a couple drinks appys and some keno. It was well needed but it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for in a night out. I was in bed by 1130...oh how things change. Kaia and I are still in our jams and I don’t plan on changing until we leave for our dinner date down at Erick’s sisters. However I have been semi productive so far this morning I have cleaned one bathroom and done one load of laundry...all this was done before 930....
   Oh and did I mention I was up at 550 cleaning up doggy doo doo...that poor dog can’t have much of anything other than his dog food. I was dry heaving and not impressed.

weekends.

 After a day of shopping in the States yesterday I am exhausted. Kaia was a trooper and this is just the beginning of her shopping boot camp. She will be a trained little shopper in no time.

It is Saturday morning; Kaia is already down for her first nap mostly out of my sheer frustration from her cranky attitude. I had zero thresholds this morning for coddling crankyness. Erick volunteered to get up with her and feed her breakfast and hang out with her so that I could sleep in and catch a few more zees.  But due to her fuss...I heard the wines and cries and protesting from my slumber land upstairs.
   I bought three different types of sippy cups yesterday hoping that she will attempt to suck on anyone of them. She drinks out of a cup just fine but it would be nice to give her some independence to be able to have sips at her own leisure. We have only been putting water in the sippy cup but maybe eventually she will take some milk from it. I suppose that will be for my independence as well.
  Erick made a yummy breakfast this morning as usual for our weekend routine. He is buzzing away in the kitchen cleaning the after math, I have the washer working away on a load of diapers, Brucelee is lying at my feet probably wishing I’d play fetch and baby Kaia is napping herself into the world of happy moods.
Not a shabby Saturday so far. Now if only the sun was out. I’m gonna go check out my loot from yesterday.

I'm on my way back

I feel like I need to write something but I still am not feeling like I know what to write. I have no inspiration. I am slowly picking up the pieces and putting them back together. I have fallen apart in this house in this life completely shattered. I don’t know who, what or where. I am slowly finding my pieces and putting them back where they belong. I keep saying that it was the weather that made me feel this broken that may be true in part. I don’t think I really know what exactly broke me nor do I care. I just want to find myself whole again. I need to be whole for my baby girl, for my husband and for all of the other people that surround me. I am sure all of you have been affected by my funk. I am working hard to get it together.
  I thought that maybe I needed to relocate to find my pieces but truly if I am happy with myself, my marriage, my family and my life then it doesn’t really matter where I am.
I am honest I will tell you how it is in my opinion, I laugh often and loudly and sometimes even at you and in your face. I like to be different so don’t judge me you judgers. I love deeply those that I feel deserve my love. I have certain looks on my face that may be interpreted a certain way don’t think you know what I am thinking. I am loyal to those that return the favour and I mean that in the deepest form of loyalty you could imagine. I don’t always know how to behave or what to say when situations change or get awkward but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. Most of these pieces have always been true about me I have forgotten some of them and I think you have forgotten some of them too. These are the things that you love about me the most. So don`t think for a second that I will change. I have been bitter, angry, annoyed and betrayed but these things only strengthen who I am and how my pieces fit. You may have caused me to feel any one of these emotions but it didn`t make me worse off. Quite the opposite actually! Just don’t assume anything about me because you are probably wrong.
I am now raising a daughter to be herself her own unique and honest. I will impart these characteristics to her as well as nurture the characteristics that she will learn and acquire from life. She is surrounded by an amazing world and community. One in which gave her two parents that survived just fine.
I with my husband and my daughter am living this life whole and full of life. Well if you know us you know that we are always laughing historically and I am content with those things alone.

I am on my way back.

I am trying to enjoy being home but at certain moments find it hard to do. Life wasted no time at throwing me back into the routine of things. Erick of course is back to work, me and Kaia of course are back to our regular daily routine. I have started my big sewing project but like most things these days it only gets worked on between meals, cuddles, nursing, naps and chores. It is slow going is what I am trying to say. I am hoping that finding a hobby will help me tolerate living in this town. I am trying to think pros and cons....so I think ok what would I be doing if I didn’t live here and I lived in a city or whatever. I don’t really see much of a difference other than shopping. I have my life here so I suppose this is where we will be for many years. And I think that this slump of feeling blah and annoyed with everything will happen to me no matter where we are. I am desperate for a change and find myself making big renovation plans for our house. Of course financially these things will only happen gradually. But that is ok. Each project will keep me distracted.
   I think I missed the gardening boat this year. I haven’t done anything in my veggie garden and I don’t think I am going to bother now. I need to clean up my perennial beds and maybe get some more pretty plants to add to the mix. I am disappointed because I did enjoy my little veggie garden last year even though I didn’t reap much of anything.
I attempted to hang some diapers on the line the other day but due to my neglect my clothes pins are brown and rusted and ugly looking. So I need to replace those before I clip them to any of my garments and that includes diapers.
I am really trying to get square meals on the table everyday and always have baking around. My Grammy inspired me while I was there visiting. She always had yummy meals prepared for us every evening. The dinner conversation was nice and then the after meal coffee or tea with dessert was a nice touch too. I might skip the dessert part but I think that making these things routine will be nice.
I still need to get my butt into shape. BLAH end of story.
Kaia has been a little crank pot the last few days... teething probably. She was up 3 times the other night. Yuk. However she did make up for it last night, she slept all night. I had to wake up and pump though. None the less we slept well.
Well I need to move on and make good use of my time...time to do a row or two knitting and then get back to the sewing project. Chores What chores.