Holy $*&# I am a parent

This week is going to be jam packed with cleaning organizing and prepping for company. Kaia is getting baptised on Saturday and we have a big to do planned. We have lots of company staying with us and lots and lots of guests coming to enjoy a lunch at our house after the baptism. Kaia’s Lola has been prepping for this occasion for months now making lots and lots of yummy food. I have lots of cleaning and bed making and organizing to do and it is already Tuesday.....I for some reason have a list of chores that involves organizing my pantry cleaning my front windows and cleaning the fridge. Why I have chosen this week to do these big tasks....maybe it was purely for motivation purposes. Who knows but we’ll just wait and see how much I actually get done.
I go back into work tomorrow for four hours of computer training. Kaia will spend another half day with her Lola. But this time she will come here in the morning which is so great then I don’t have to wake Kaia up and pack her all up so early in the morning.
Kaia’s little personality has come out so much lately she has started being bossy to Brucelee our dog in her baby babble. She points at him and yells I’m assuming mimicking us giving the dog trouble or telling him to lie down. She really cracks me up with her facial expressions too which is nothing new. I think that was her first line of communication....you know exactly what she is feeling based on the looks on her face. She dances to the sound of music now and bobs her head to the beat I love it.
   I have started weaning her from the boob, she is totally fine with it. She doesn’t seem to miss it. I mean if I offer it to her she will take it but she doesn’t seem to miss it during the day when I pass her sippy cup with breast milk in it.     I have a l ton of breast milk frozen so she has been getting that and I will go just straight to homo milk after that....she is at the age where she is past the risk point of getting a sensitivity to dairy; Which is great because I have no desire to pay for and or mix and wash bottles of formula. It all couldn’t have worked out better. I gave her a sippy cup with milk in it last night before bed she laid on the couch beside me and enjoyed every last drop sitting up between gulps and kicking her legs. I think she is enjoying the independence that comes with it too. I was a leaky mess last night although there was no pain or engorgement I suppose I can`t really complain. I have been anticipating weaning Kaia for a couple weeks now she has started using her teeth a lot more than normal and I am feeling like it is time for a bit of a break before the new baby. I was feeling emotional last night when I realized that I have started the process of weaning her. I know that I am going to be breast feeding again very soon so I don`t think it is the feeling of missing that. I guess my emotions mostly were coming from my little baby growing up and not needing me as much anymore. In a lot of ways I am more than ready for her to have some more independence especially with me going back to work. I guess there is a bit of sadness that another chapter is closing ALREADY. I nursed Kaia this morning.....a moment of weakness I suppose. But the momentary relapse didn`t seem to faze her. She took her pre nap sippy cup just fine and didn`t even ask for the boob.
   Oh the joys...I still can`t believe most of my thoughts and conversations involve parenting I feel like I am another person inside my head. Holy shit I am a parent.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Well...My first day back at work has passed and I survived. Although yesterday was hardly work. We more or less orientated back to all the changes and all the new equipment. Wow I now know how much change and growth can happen in the little life of an infant but it is real to me now how much change happened at work in this year that I was gone. I feel positive about a lot of the change that took place although I have heard some negative feedback from people I suppose I wasn’t around to hear all the politics that when along with a lot of the change.
   Erick asked me how work was and I gushed....I really enjoy the people that I work with and the facility that I work in. Obviously I could complain about a few things at work but those people and those things are in every facility and town you would ever go to. So I am not holding the negative against this place. I told him that when we ever move I will really miss this job. I knew going back to work would help my peace of mind. I then went to say to Erick “it’s a darn shame that Fernie is so expensive to live in I would consider moving there”. I think I made Erick’s wheels turn a little bit. What that means I am not sure.
   My beautiful little resilient bundle of joy made it through her day with her Lola (Filipino for Grandma). I am happy to say that she wore her Lola out and entertained her cousin Matya who helped her little heart out with Kaia. The child care in this town is definitely a problem but so far we have been lucky to get offer(s) plural to help us with child care....it must be kaia’s charming little smile. Or my non fulltime status it is a little less daunting I think.
   I have a coworker that was also returning back to work at the same time as me from a maternity leave. She also has a little daughter who was born days apart from Kaia. It was nice to have someone to share that with. It was also nice to chat about our little babies and all the great stages they are in. She is returning back fulltime though unlike my casual status.
  Fall is in the air and I love it. I for some reason have always felt ashamed to say that I am excited for autumn to appear but I am finally going to shout it out proud. Summer you and your hot warming sun are great and I do like you too....but autumn you are my new favourite...and maybe always have been. We have had rain for the last few days and I am not complaining. The leaves here are yellowing already and there are a few on the ground. I see people gearing up for hunting, everyone is school shopping and I’m thinking about Halloween costumes. I love that you have to wear one more layer of clothes but you don’t quite have to go to the parka and you can still get away with flip flops.....
    Oh I would like to say that have a couple more things to add to my 101 things to do list because the fall activity guide came out.... unless I get permitted to do the yoga session pregnant I am out of luck. Insert many curse words here........there was nothing to fucking do for me and Kaia.
Cleaning my house is # 3 on the list dammit.
 My house has been neglected over the last few days time to chip away at the list...starting with laundry and coffee. I’m so thrilled that I am back on the coffee wagon....oh how I have missed you. And dam you Elkford.

150 beats a minute....that was the rate of my littlest creation’s heart beat today. Of course because this is the second time around I am comparing everything and so far not much is the same and not much is different. I don’t remember Kaia’s heart rate being that high she was always around 130-140. I don’t feel like my baby bump has bumped out yet which is awkward when getting dressed I hate this stage...I find myself in stretchy pants although jeans with a belly band would work I just don’t feel comfy enough. I haven’t felt a distinct boot; I thought maybe I felt a flutter or two but who knows it could have been gas for all I know.  I remember when we felt Kaia kick for the first time we were in a hotel watching tv and I remember I said to Erick “your baby is doing something funny in here” and he reached over and we both rested our hands on my tummy and boom two hard boots hit both of us at the same time it was pretty amazing. Erick’s expression was like “holy shit there is something in there” and I was just like “do it again do it again”. It was pretty cool that we both felt it for the first time at the same time.
   The nausea this time around is obviously worse....and has lasted way longer. I never had to take meds for the nausea with Kaia...but I am not complaining about the meds right now they are my best little white round friends.
   So I’m gonna start a list of 101 ways Tiffany is trying to distract herself in this little town....Work is probably #1. And until the autumn activities schedule comes out reading is #2. At the moment I have dived into “The Help”. I am reading it with a friend and then hopefully at the end of it all the two of us Mommies will escape and go to the big screen and watch it when it comes out. Wow so my list only has 2 items on it...this is going to be a long season.
Did I mention 116 more days till x-mas.

Happy 11 months of life my beautiful little girl. One more month and she will be a one year old. As I always say this year went by so quickly but is so incredibly full of amazing memories experience and change. I have never realized how much life you can fill into one small amount of time. Amazing really.
    Work is looming just around the corner but I am excited. I am excited to get out of the house and have some time away. Even if it is work. I have been whining and complaining constantly that I am ready to move and get out of this town. I am bored and unhappy living in this little one horse town. Don’t get me wrong this town has served us well. But the time has come to move onto bigger and better things. I could go on talking about all the reasons why I want to and think that we should move but I’d be here all day. The benefits of moving somewhere else would be endless for both Kaia and me and well Erick his hobbies and life style is totally pliable.
   Money is the controller of all things it seems. Selling our house is an obvious factor, finding another source of income that is equal to or greater than Teck and of course finding a happy place for all of us. Dam Teck and their retention intentions....they work so well...it’s got us in hook line and sinker. Luckily Teck has other sites and I have been keeping my eyes peeled. Erick working away is not an option for us at the moment. We haven’t closed that door completely but it will be our final stitch get me the Bleep out of this town effort.
We are not absolutely opposed to changing companies but I think it would have to be a pretty darn good package deal to move us. Anyways this topic is depressing.....maybe work will distract me for a while. But in the mean time I am just putting it out there to God or the universe of the positive energy flows .....PLEASE HELP US MOVE!
  

Well summer is coming to an end....I can’t say I enjoyed my much anticipated warm weather and summer fun. I spent most of it curled up on my couch reeling with nausea. I’m near 16 weeks pregnant and I attempted two days off of the meds that have been curbing the nausea. The attempt was unsuccessful it only reminded me of the hell I had been experiencing prior to me giving in to the meds. So I am back to popping pills. Some of my energy levels have returned I have found myself taking Kaia on more outings and my taste for baking has come back slightly. Although I will be returning back to work very soon I am thankful that I am feeling better and I hope that when this bottle of pills runs out that I won’t have to continue on. 4 months of nausea is by far enough.
   Kaia has been a trooper but I can tell she is getting bored of being cooped up in this house. Crawling helped to preoccupy her for a while...she has a whole new world of exploring now.
We are getting ready Kaia’s baptism September 10^th. We will be having lots of company over to help us celebrate. I think that we may even give her a bit of an early birthday as well. She will be 1 year old very soon I am still shocked at how fast the time flies. I am no longer saddened that she isn’t the littlest baby anymore...I have been more excited for her growth and development. It is so exciting watching her learn new things and do all of the “firsts” that happen at this age.
  I think it might be safe to say that I am finally feeling the energy to start writing regularly again, here’s to hoping that I actually have something to say these days.  

Today

My birthday has come and gone....and I spent it exactly how the day allowed. I was feeling less than good. Nauseous, tired basically the day was filled with a weird watery cheek yucky after taste feeling. So the couch and my jams were my best friend.
   I was brought to tears the other day. I asked Erick to get Kaia ready for bed and yet there was the messy kitchen still to tackle before I retired...and take note the time was before 8 pm. I was going to slump on the couch and wait for Erick to hand me my jammed little baby ready for her pre bed time nurse. But I scoffed and found some energy to start cleaning the kitchen. Erick came in the kitchen and basically stole the plates from my hands...Stop he said “I’ll do it”. I tried real hard not to show the water welling in my eyes....I just tried to explain to him that I am feeling so useless around here lately. I’m always asking Erick for help or to take over a task. I just want my life back I want to feel better. I feel like Kaia isn’t getting my full attention and I feel like house is falling apart. The house ok ya I can get over that...but my poor baby. These are days I won’t get back ever and I want to make them memorable. Blah! Enough complaining.
   Apart from my last few weeks of feeling shitty how is today? Today is going good. We woke at 6am that seems to be Kaia’s new routine since she has been sleeping through the night like a rock star. I love her new night routine. I still wake up through the night I don’t know if it’s my habit from Kaia or what but when I do I check the good old video monitor to see how my power sleeper is doing. Most all of the time she is on the complete opposite side of the bed or flipped over but she is still fast asleep. I am happy to know that at some point in the night she woke or stirred and managed to find her way back to slumber land without me or a peep. So anyways....we woke early this morning as our new usual had a good breakfast and play session and Kaia is already down for her first nap time. Taylor my littlest sister is here for a visit for the week...or for however long she wants to stay. She is fun to have around and she is a big help entertaining Kaia. Actually Taylor and I have been spending most of the time giggling at Kaia as she has been entertaining us. Kaia’s personality is starting to come through....well personality/attitude. She shakes her head no at any question you ask her whether she knows the context or not it is pretty funny most of the time.
   Yesterday when my Dad dropped Taylor off he asked Kaia if he could pick her up she shook her head no. He then asked her again she still shook her head no....he asked her a final time and she blew a huge raspberry at him basically saying “I SAID NO”. My poor Dad....but boy did me and Taylor laugh.
Today could be spent at the park and maybe pool.....but who knows Kaia is still sleeping and I have managed to sweep the floors and do a load of laundry. That is huge these days....I’m content with that alone. However....I have a 9 month and 14 year old to hang with for the day so I am sure the day will be fuller than a couple chores complete.
   Oh one thing I am left wondering if any moms out there have some advice is.....when you started with the one nap a day...instead of the two naps...morning and afternoon. I don’t know how to tell what the signs Kaia is ready to do the transition.

NAUSEA

I have been hiding far away from my computer. The reason you may ask...NAUSEA! That is right yet again as it was with my first pregnancy I am dealing with a barfy, watery cheek, tired drag my ass don’t make me smell your perfume type life. My poor little girl is suffering too I am sure I am not as fun as I was pre NAUSEA. But I am trying my hardest to still live life. If I truly had it my way I would be laid up in my bed everyday all day. So as I started to mention....the computer is a source of my nausea. I am actually feeling pretty good at the moment. I was going to force myself to get on here and delete my 400 something emails and read some blogs and possibly update my own. But thankfully so far I am not forcing anything.
  I am trying to find some normalcy so today in my brief moment of feeling ok I coloured my hair which was well overdue....I think April was the last time I touched my hair. I want to be even more ambitious and give myself a pedicure but I am wondering if this is my chance to treat myself I mean go and get a pedicure. I have one booked in August but that is so far away.
Nothing much has changed around the Canlas household. Kaia is on the verge of crawling but I feel like I have been saying that for months now. I think that my hard wood floors might be holding her back just a touch. She is eating almost everything....with the exception of the food that requires more than her six pearly whites.
We have now completed our baptism prep with the priest. We had to meet with him a number of times and now we can set a date for the baptism. We are a little late I know I think that most parents do the baptism when the baby is really little. Better late than never I suppose. I am going to get creative here and take some new pictures of Kaia and get some invitations made up. Well that is my plan anyways who knows though....you might receive a card I bought at the General Store.
I really want to get a family photo done of the three of us before I start showing too much. I suppose I want to document our family of three before it is obvious that we are well on our way to becoming a family of four. Time to hunt down a photographer.......I am not going to Wal-Mart.
I’m not going to push my luck too much here. I better move on to some other things before this “feeling good” wares off.