Goodbye Elkford

It has been a long time since my last entry and with all that time there has been a lot of change.
  I have written lots before about my desire to move on from the little town of Elkford. Since having my girls I have felt that Elkford just isn't a good fit for me and us anymore. It has been just over a year since first discussing my desire to move with Erick and after many a long talks we decided that we would set a 1-2 year goal of moving our little family. I knew that it wasn't going to be an easy move in many more ways than just one. We have a lot of deep connections to Elkford. I get asked the question quite often why I want to leave Elkford or what part of Elkford don't I like. The easiest answer I have for that is that I am bored in Elkford I want more opportunity for my children. I don't want to be stranded in my driveway or the town when the snow hits anymore. I want to be able to have an evening to myself at the coffee shop, book store, craft store....or yoga studio (past 6pm). I want my daughters to do dance, ballet, hip hop or any sports their heart desires that isn't limited by lack of coaching. I do not mean to offend the people that love Elkford and choose to raise their families there. We are all different we all have different desires. So anyways after Luka was born the itch emerged again marking the sixth month ish mark after we had agreed that we should try and move on from Elkford. I definitely was getting antsy, I am sure the never ending winters and the two busy babies had something to do with it all but needless to say I had an itch that needing scratching. We didn't really know where to start with the whole process and most everyone would probably agree that putting our house up for sale was doing things a little backwards....I would have to say I agree but looking back I don't really know how we could have done things any different.
  So the house went up for sale and the questions from friends and family and our little town began..."where are you guys moving, what are you guys doing"? I loved the reactions we got when we replied - "I don't know". Rest assured my friends I know it may have seemed as though we were walking a little bit blindly but there was a bit of a plan some where in there. Poor Erick who is definitely a planner in more ways than one did have some anxiety with this process, but we made it through.  Of course this whole journey we were on lead Erick and I to have many conversations about where we were going to go and what we were going to do and we bonked heads a lot! But than all of a sudden our house sold!!! Holy crap holy crap....now its decision making time. The way everything happened was all sort of crazy Erick and I will both tell you that it is all unreal how the next few months unfolded. We were visiting Kamloops when we got word that the house sold...."its a sign". I have always wanted to move back to Kamloops and it was one of the main places that we both liked and I was job shopping on line here for Erick since the day we planned on moving. While we were still on our trip in Kamloops we got word that there was a job opening here at the Teck owned mine. "Another sign". Of course as soon as we got home I revamped Erick's resume and sent it off......So after my realization that it was important to Erick to stay working with Teck the company that he has worked for for the last 15 years our plan became apparent to us. We will move to Kamloops if Erick gets this job or we will move to Cranbrook if he does not get the job either way Erick remains with Teck and his years of hard work and service will remain in tact and we will be moving out of Elkford. Ohh....the waiting....luckily it wasn't too long. Oh and did I mention the people that bought our house didn't want in it for 2.5 months. This gave us time to organize our lives...
    I could go on about the details and the process in which we got here but lets just say that we were extremely blessed. Erick got an amazing job opportunity that was pretty hard to turn down. We are here in Kamloops! We miss our families and friends in a bad way.....but the adventures that the 4 of us have already been on since we left Elkford have been pretty great. I don't think any of our friends or family who are sad to see us leave would ask us to give up any of these great family memories that we now have.
I will say this though...these words have been in my heart since the moment I knew that it was time for me to leave Elkford....
  Elkford is a part of who we are...in no way are we walking away and never turning back. We will be back (at christmas of course) and we will be back often. We are the small town people. We love the wilderness, the community and the sense that each person we know there is a part of the story of our lives in some way or another. We thank you Elkford for everything that you have given us...be it education, jobs, memories both happy and sad.....we are who we are today because we were raised in Elkford....for that we are greatly and forever thankful. We will forever have small town hearts we just have big city dreams......

The last 24 hours have proven to be testing...I didn’t sleep much if at all last night. Baby Lulu was just not settling. My ass is sore because I sit in that chair all night long....sleep nursing. Universe a lazy boy recliner would be such a blessing. Today at one point I had both of my sweeties crying one from her swing and the other at my feet reaching up at me. I was preparing lunch but the crying didn’t stop when lunch was ready. Kaia was angry with me because Teddy wasn’t allowed to sit on her lap while we ate lunch. After persuading her to put Teddy in his own chair and give him a few bites of lunch she was settled to eat. Sometimes it is such a test of wills between the two of us both so stubborn.
   Nap time...ohh nap time of course one napped and one cried. I look at the looming mess all over my living room my un showered smelly self and the laundry and and and.....oh I had my fingers crossed that my littlest will nap so I can at least shower. Luckily she did let me shower but only that. She hung out with me while I toweled and blow-dried. I figured if she was going to fight a snooze she might as well have a bath too. So now both babes sleep. I don’t smell and my house is somewhat “tidy”. Everything is so much work these days. I need to stop and remind myself to be take a breath and relax enjoy the moment. I have learned with my first that time just flies so quickly by I don’t want to wish any of it away, even the difficult times. Oddly enough week two is proving to be more difficult than week one with Erick back to work.

peace for the moment

Ahh I love weekends. Erick is home from work and chaos is somewhat settled. Right now is the season for “shed hunting”. To explain the deer and elk lose their antlers this time of year and my husband loves to hike all over the valley to find these antlers. Luckily Kaia loves to go in the back pack and hike with Erick. They have hiked everyday this weekend and yesterday they hiked twice. Erick says that Kaia sings and talks the whole hike. She loves the fresh air and the scenery and I love the couple of hours of quiet at home, well when Luka is napping that is. Erick and Kaia are on a hike right now Luka is in her swing post bath bliss I suppose and I am sitting on this computer coffee in hand. I can’t really complain. Oh and my wonderful husband just washed my floors.....peace.
The snow is melting and I am so very happy that spring is starting to spring. Bundling my babies is so much work I can’t wait until I can go outside and all I have to apply is hats and sunscreen. But I am sure I will find something else to complain about when that time comes.
  My itch to get out of this town has not subsided it still lingers we just haven’t scratched it yet. We have been talking a lot more about it lately. Moving doesn’t seem like it is going to be easy for us. We are being really cautious and picky. We don’t want to take a pay cut and I don’t know if I like the idea of Erick working away. Erick going back to working on tools as an electrician would mean a pay cut and it doesn’t seem like there are many planning jobs around. Something just might have to give though....a sacrifice made....money is so evil. The houses here are selling....so I do feel like it is a great time for us to get a move on. Oh life why do you have to be so complicated. Universe...PLEASE I beg.....
   For now though I will bask in my momentary peace.....

My baby girl has arrived...

Luka Ann Canlas born Feb 16^th....she almost made it on her Lolo’s birthday but this little girl wanted her own special day. Mom has gone home and Erick is back to work Luka is three weeks old today and the routine and reality that I have two children is starting to set in. I have survived my first week with Erick back to work and I actually managed to get to two play groups. My poor little Kaia gets so bored when we are home for a day without doing anything. Her boredom translates as a whinny unhappy little girl, which then usually results in a whinny unhappy Mama. So although packing up my little girls is a lot of work it does pay off. I would have to say though my house is a pig sty....fitting in cleaning is still on my agenda of things to figure out.
    Finding the time to sit on the computer, knit, sew or anything by myself between naps, meals and nursing has proven challenging. I often have one in my arms and one pulling my finger to take me to her room to play. This is her favorite thing to do. She just loves to have us sit with her in her room while she plays. She tried grabbing Luka’s little hand to come and play with her. Luka now joins us as we hunker down on the floor and watch Kaia play and make a mess. When Kaia naps I am usually found trying to fit Luka and my laptop on my lap while I nurse her. Just for that brief little bit of mindless wonder.
   Everything is still here there and everywhere....and I don’t really know what is up or down sometimes but I am surviving and determined that when all this dust settles I will have figured out how to have some time for myself...a relatively tidy house and a happy healthy couple of girls.....

I'm ready little baby

    Feb 12 2012
Well hello...two days overdue....almost 2 weeks into my Mom’s visit....and still no feelings of any sort of cramps or twinges.
I can honestly say that although life has been harder in the sense of caring for my little monsters with a basketball in my gut I have not felt ready to be done done done more so then I do now. Shortness of breath, mobility constraints, bladder issues and tiredness have now all taken their toll and taken me to the place of being ready. I am ready to hold my baby; I am ready to play with Kaia for longer than minutes at a time. It is funny that I say I am ready though because I still have moments where I feel like I don’t really think the reality has set in. The reality that I am going to have two monsters really hasn’t set in. I am physically ready and I have my home ready....but boy mentally I don’t think I know what is about to hit me. I don’t think Kaia really knows what is about to hit her too. I keep trying to tell her that there is a baby in my tummy and I play with her dolls like I would a newborn. But I just don’t think that any amount pretend play or talking will really prepare my little 16 month olds mind what is about to happen.
Well if it ever does happen.
   My sister in-law informed me that Erick’s late father’s birthday is on Feb 17^th. Maybe that is what this little baby is waiting for. It would be a great honour. I don’t know what day or what time. But I am ready.

Last week was a snow filled and COLD week. -25degrees was the temperature for most of the days. Needless to say we did not do much other than stoke the fireplace. This weekend thankfully the temperature warmed (I can’t believe I am excited about this) to a -5 degrees. So I guess you could say I embraced the weather and made the most of where we live.
     Saturday morning we took Kaia to the local sledding spot. After purchasing a couple sleds from our local “General Store” we trucked over to the hill and attempted sending Kaia down the hill for her first time. We haven’t really spent a lot of time out in the snow so she still kind of looks at it and touches it with a look on her face as if to say “what the heck is this white stuff”? Of course Erick went down the first few times with her. I can tell you that she didn’t really crack a smile or a frown. She kind of just looks so indifferent. Well actually she kind of gives you these looks and I am sure she is thinking “ok here we go let’s do this to make the parents happy I’ll let them snap a few photos laugh at me and then hopefully it will be over”. After her and Erick went down a few times together we got brave and started sending her down on her own and still no real emotion or expressions expressed. Although one of the runs down the hill she bailed off the sled and ended up doing a log roll down the rest of the hill. I have this uncontrollable problem...I tend to laugh my ass off when people fall, trip or in this case go tumbling down the hill. And this was no exception. You may think I am so very cruel laughing at my 16 month old as she tumbles down the hill and not chasing down the hill after her. But after the ordeal was over she looked up at me and I am sure when she seen me laughing she was thinking “ok, I am ok I don’t need to cry”. Thankfully she didn’t get any snow in her face but yet again not a peep came out of her. She is a tough little cookie.
    Sunday we hung out at home for most of the day I took her outside for a cruise on the sled just around our neighbourhood. I was trying to make it really fun for her maybe get a giggle or two out of her. I was going in circles and running but my indifferent little girl was more interested in dragging her gloved little hand along the side of the sled in the snow. She would then look at all the snow that would accumulate on her mitt shake it off, taste it and then stick her hand out and drag it again. I don’t think I got one giggle out of her. She is so serious.
     All that snow “FUN” from the weekend and by Sunday night I could have sworn that my pelvic bones were going to split in half and a baby was going to fall out. I think trucking through the snow definitely was the most calories I have burned in a few weeks. Thank goodness I have a chiropractor appointment this week. I have a little bit of a limp to add to my waddle....limp waddle, limp waddle..... According to my little pregnancy app on my iphone I have 18 more days...Kaia came 5 days early...give or take...not much longer and my limp waddle will turn into a bliss filled sleep deprived zombie walk. I really don’t think that it has donned on me yet that I am going to have another newborn in my life very soon.

ramblings of a trapped Mama

   I am stranded in this little town yet again. This time it is quite literal. The roads going in any direction have been closed due to this crazy ass weather. They are back open again today except I don’t see the point in risking my family’s life on the road report of compact snow and icy conditions. I have weekly doctor’s appointments now and I haven’t made it to the last two. I don’t really have any plans to go anywhere but it is mostly the “knowing” that even if I did want to go anywhere it wouldn’t happen. I am out of dog food which we buy in Fernie with no exception. The exception includes cleaning up dog shit in my house for a couple days. An exception I am not willing to compromise on. There are little things like buying dog food that really get to me. I want to be able to go to the store at anytime to get what I need.
   My driveway looks immaculate on most days due to my husband’s compulsive need to snow blow steady. I am thankful that he has these compulsive behaviours; I have learned a new appreciation for a snowless driveway. But that is two hours out of our evenings that I could think of a million other things we could be doing as a family. He even missed all his other commitments out of the house last night in order to fix up the snow blower and get the drive way accessible. Anyways that is another reason why I need to move. I was not meant to live in this snow filled town.
   My “nesting syndrome” has proven to have good effect on my motivation. The sewing machine has been up and running yet again with one project down and thoughts of many more on the horizon. I almost broke the needle on my machine the other night and I nearly started crying. Breaking a needle or should I say the last needle I have would completely halt my sewing because yet again I would have to leave town in order to buy another one. Luckily the needle held out and I was able to complete my project. My knitting needles have also been active. I am making little newborn hats for my new little bundle and for the other bundles that are soon expected. The only thing is there are a few of us that have not found out the sex of our babies so I need to knit a couple color options. Thankfully the hats are itty bitty...they are a bit faster to knit.
   Kaia’s swimming still and I have noticed that she is starting to excel. She blows bubbles and is getting way more comfortable to run around in the shallow end. She jumps in while we hold her hands. It’s funny how you do something regularly and don’t really notice any change and then all of a sudden there is growth and change improvement. Regardless I love that she is a little swimmer and will not be afraid to explore the water. Swimming was something that my Mom was adamant that we learned growing up and I too am very adamant about my kids learning those skills.
  For the last couple of months I have been trying to show Kaia how to feed her dolls or hold them gently. It hasn’t really been that successful she doesn’t seem to care. Fair enough she is very young yet. But lately she has started to feed her dolls and her teddy. It is pretty cute I must admit and it is progress. Hopefully the gentleness will make more sense to her when we are actually referring to an actual living baby.
   Off to go distract myself with some more knitting.